An Experience

It is so easy to get down on yourself, especially when progress toward a goal is glacially slow and so very, very visible.

Last week I had an experience that gave me a boost.  I went to get my hair colored and deep conditioned.  My colorist and I talked about world travel, the education system, advanced math and literature.  Then she left.  As I sat in the chair letting the color sit, I listened to the conversations around me.  I heard gossip, plans for lying and emotional manipulation, poor grammar, group planning of hurtful texts and a whole lot of empty headed nothingness.  (Not that there is anything wrong with a little mental fluff of the happy and kind variety.  We all need that from time to time.)

No, the point is that despite feeling disappointed about the image staring back at me from the mirror I started feeling quite good about the person on the inside.  I felt smart.  I felt honest.  I felt classy.  I felt considerate.

There is everything right with wanting to look better and progress toward a goal.  But I must fight the tendency to let that localized dissatisfaction become general poor self image.

I'm a pretty decent gal.  I deserve to feel like one.

slow, but in the right direction

I have lost four of those six pesky Thanksgiving pounds.  Yeah!

The Plan

It's Christmas time! ! ! !

I love this holiday.  There is so much to enjoy, and that includes food.  To combat my tendency toward excess I have a plan.  I am going to make a list of the treats I really, really want to make and/or enjoy with my family and then limit myself to those treats.  That way, I don't indulge on Hershey Kisses or all the other fluff that is good, but not great.

So the goodie list is:

Share a chocolate orange with my family after reading the story about the Christmas Oranges.

Make peppermint marshmallows and enjoy in some hot cocoa.

Have a dish of peppermint ice cream with hot fudge sauce.

Make cinnamon rolls with the kids.

And, if during the season there is something unexpected and fabulous that I want to enjoy then I am leaving myself one fabulous pass for Oregon and one for celebrating with my family.

I look at that list and that is a lot of yumminess, but honestly it's a lot less than I would usually eat.

So there's the plan.

I am interested to see how it works.

Happy Holidays!

Mr. Incredible

Picture it:
5:20 am
I am sitting in a chair.  One child is curled up on my shoulder, her sodden diaper soaking through my pajama pants.  I am feeding the other one.  I haven't slept more than two hours consecutively.  There is no way on this rolling blue planet that I am going to exercise.

The first two times I exercised two days in a row I got the flu.  The third time my children did.  Being either insane or determined I exercised two days in a row again and my baby started waking up 4-5 times a night.  His growing is interfering with my shrinking.

Lately I feel like Mr. Incredible in the scene where he is trying to leave Syndrome's computer room.  Giant machines start shooting heavy, sticky balls that glom onto anything they touch.  Despite super-human efforts, Mr. Incredible goes down.

How do you combat the glom-ball effect?

I don't know.

Sometimes, just showing up for another day of mommyhood takes all I have.

Thank heavens for desire.

I know what I want.  Maybe, some days, just wanting it is all I can do toward achieving the goal.  But if I keep that desire alive my window of opportunity will come.

Here's to future windows.

On we go

Megan Francine Aurelia Biddle!  (no cyber stalkers that is not her real name)  Welcome back.

You gained 5 lbs. over Thanksgiving?  Guess what sister, I gained 6.  I knew I was doing this blog with a kindred spirit.

I have missed you.  I need you.  You are fabulous and way funnier than I am so you are never allowed to go AWOL again.  Okay, you can have a pass for comas and escaped hamsters.

Amen to the whole hating the maternity pant thing.

On the plus side, in the last month I have had some major victories.

I started attending a pseudo-weight-watchers group in my neighborhood.  We weigh in, share victories, eat a healthyish treat and set goals.  Just having access to an accurate scale is a blessing.  My scale at home changes five pounds if I rock from my heels to my toes.

We have a sister-in-law who has had great success with livestrong.com.  I have avoided calorie counting for years.  It drives me nuts.  But that six pounds made me crazy (crazy trumps nuts) and I created a Livestrong account and I have tracked for six days in a row - a lifetime record.  In my brain I hear a stadium sized crowd leaping to its feet and cheering.

And I did something last Saturday that I have wanted to do forever.  I made a meal plan for three meals and two snacks for every day of the week - made my grocery list from my plan- and then shopped from my list.

Woo Hoo!  Even standing on my heels on my scale I can tell that I am making inroads into that superfluous six.

I WILL wear real pants again one day.  I just know it.

~Bethany Feronia Adelaid Boynton

(did you notice?  the last three initials spell FAB - as in fabulous)

Dear Holidays, Why do you have to be so dangerous?!

This time of year of fantastic in so many ways--Christmas music, delicious spiced smells, parties, shopping--and yet so awful from the perspective of looking down at the scale. I thought I did considerably well after the Thanksgiving week and I felt pretty great! But come Cyber Monday morning I find myself 5 lbs heavier.  FIVE POUNDS!!! I can't tell you the wretched feeling that came over me seeing that number--the number I saw when I went into the hospital to deliver my oldest son!!! Who is this monster that has eaten the real Megan?!

It's been two weeks since then and I still feel rotten. I know this is a joyous time of year, but, c'mon, how can I find joy when even my maternity clothes don't fit well? Oh how I would love to slip into a pair of non-maternity jeans that hug me in all the RIGHT places:)

I apologize for not writing for over a month now. I obviously have been a bit down on myself. We're going through some major life changes with my sweethart graduating soon and beginning a new job. This means that money, my clothing, and my schedule are pretty tight right now. I constantly tell myself, "Everything would be better if. . ." But the truth is if I don't change my habits under the difficult circumstances then I will hardly be able to change them when life becomes even more difficult. And from my experience, life doesn't get simpler--only more complicated. Changing unhealthy habits during the holidays is possible. It may not be fun, but then again is gorging yourself on candy and treats til you're completely sick really FUN? I think not. Pulling up those non-maternity jeans (or even attempting some sexy lingerie) would be FUN.

Merry Holidays everyone.

Thank you universe

So, I have been lacking in motivation - Seriously Lacking.

Today I had motivation handed to me on a silver platter.

1.  I tried on a swimming suit.  _____________!  (Insert exclamation that conveys shock, dismay revulsion, despair, a nose wrinkle and a heartfelt raspberry.)

2.  Precious child #3(who is 2) told me my tummy looked gross in the swimming suit.  In her defense, it kinda did.

3.  Darling child #2 asked if there was another baby in my tummy.

and perhaps most importantly

4.  Last week a kid (who will remain anonymous) has been talking to child #1 about dieting to get a smaller tummy.  That enrages me!!!!  Child #1 is seven for pete sakes.  We have talked and I don't think the experience was a big deal for her ... this time.  I know the best gift I can give her in this area is an example of how to live healthy.  Having a mother who feels beautiful may be the most potent antidote for skewed body image.

Thank you universe.  I think I can see again.

Hallelujah!

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!

Ex-cu-ses I stuck it to ya!

Ev-ery-body now say "Boo-ya!"

I worked out before dawn!

I have tried to exercise at every conceivable hour of the day and the night.  Apparently, at this stage of life, early morning is my only option.  No, I am still not sleeping through the night, but if 5:30 a.m. is the only time I can consistently exercise then that is when I need to exercise.

And I DID IT!  I feel great and I am actually looking forward to tomorrow.

The last three times I exercised for more than two days in a row I have ended up with the flu.  In my rational mind I know that it was not cause and effect, but my irrational mind is a little worried.  I'd better hit the herbs and oils extra hard the next few days.

The road to health is paved with good intentions - at least the first part of the road is.

(Sung to the chorus of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Failure, failure degradation

High caloric inhalation

Granola bar adulation

Yet somehow I'll go on.

Rough couple of days here.  Ca you tell?

I found great comfort in these words from Marvin J. Ashton:

"You haven't failed until you've quit trying.

One of Satan's most powerful tools is discouragement.  Whisperings of 'you can't do it, you're no good, it's too late, what's the use,' or 'things are hopeless,' are tools of destruction.  Satan would like you to believe that because you've made one mistake it's all over.  He wants you to quit trying."
(Ensign May 88 pg. 63)

I know I keep blogging about my failures.  I find it therapeutic.  And in the end, I suppose the point is that I am still striving, or at least desiring, to move forward.

One additional point - I don't know if I'm mature enough for this whole delayed returns concept.  When you buy a shirt, you get the shirt, right then.  No store in the world is going to say "Here.  You can have one sleeve now, one cuff next week and in a month we'll send you the collar and the buttons."  But that is exactly what happens with dieting (oh, I know somewhere in the deep invisible inside changes probably happen instantly, but I am in irrational mode here, please don't derail me with facts.)

With diet and exercise the philosophy is "Sweat today, eat healthy today and tomorrow and every day after that and your housekeeping will got to pot and it will be hard and if you are very, very good you may see an infinitesimal result in six weeks.  Yeah!  Don't you feel motivated?"

No.

But you see, I know there are some more immediate benefits.  And I know this is the path that leads to where I want to go.  So, self, it is time to stop chasing butterflies in the valley of endless maternity pants and put your foot back on the road to health.

Pennies

We all know the story - there is a rich man with two sons.  He gives them a choice, they can have a million dollars today or they can have a penny that doubles every day for 30 days.  Anyone who has been through seventh grade math has encountered this little gem and knows that the wise choice is the penny, because at the end of 30 days you will have over five million dollars.

I like this story.  I like the way it illustrates the principle that consistency yields the greatest results over time.  As I have mentioned before, sometimes baby steps drive me nuts - I want to do it all now.  But that m.o. just does not jive in my world.  Now obviously I can't double the amount of exercise I do  every day for 30 days, but if I do something little, even penny little, every day, I will reap the biggest results over time.  

Today has been crazy and this week just gets crazier (Nutcracker etc.) and penny size is about what I can wrap my mind around.

I commit to reporting on what my One Cent Wonder for today is.

Most

This week found me in the office of a chiropractor.  My neck and back are functioning better than ever and there is not a migraine in sight.  Yeah!  On this chiropractor's "get-to-know you" form there was a question that made me sit up straight and take stock.  The question was "What do you want most from your life?"

I'm sure the question struck me so deeply because I have not been living in a way that gives me what I want most from my life.

As I've mulled that over, I realize that what I want may not look like what other people want.  It may not even look like what I thought I wanted and what I want may change as my life changes.

For example, I have a friend who just posted on Facebook that it has been one year since she intentionally ate sugar.  Seriously?!?!  That is massively inspiring.  I do want to not be addicted to sugar.  I do want the benefits of a sugar free life.  I also really want to make cookies with my kids.  I want them to remember moms apple-turnovers.  I want to drink mugs of steaming cocoa on Christmas.  And if I make them I am going to eat them.  Abstinence is not an option at that point.  Moderation is.  Abstinence isn't.

I know what I want.  It looks different than what other people want.  I need to be okay with that.  I want to own that.

So, what do I want?

I want power over my cravings.
I want to make wise choices in the treats I eat.
I want to be satisfied without gorging.
I want to progress toward a healthier weight.
I want energy.
I want health.
I wan LIFE and I want it more abundantly.

My kids had a party last night and there is a bottle of pop and a bowl of gummy worms left over.  After some reflection, I don't want them.  This goes beyond a determination to diet, a commitment to "be good" for a certain number of days.  I don't want them.  I want other things more.  To me, that feels real.  That feels like conversion - even if it's just for a day, or even just for a morning I feel at peace and in tune with what I want MOST.

Politics

Blessings in defeat.  Now that Obama won I'll have less money to spend on food.

Sidelined

I got sidelined by a migraine. Actually, I am trying to type this with my eyes shut, because light feels like a knife in the eye.

So I did not get my three days in a row.  If only I had started Monday like I knew should.  As I lay in my darkened room yesterday I thought about that and thought (warning TMI) maybe I could just do Kegals and that would count, but I was not even up for that.  So I need to pay my dues.

Ahem.

Our Megan's a lass without peer
From her toenails right up to her ears.
She's a knockout, a winner
But she wants to be thinner
So we're doing this blog for a year.     (or so)

Day Two

Occasionally, after a night where I have fed my baby while lying down I will have excruciating neck pain in the morning.  This morning was just such a morning.

Despite not being able to move much I was determined to have this be day two in a row of exercise.  So I typed "yoga" into the search box on pandora, took a deep breath and began.  My "exercise" consisted largely of engaging my abs, and gently turning my head while standing, sitting and laying down.  To really mix things up, I added a few, slow arm movements.

Thrilling, no?

But, I did carve out time for exercise.  I did move my body.  I did take one tiny step toward consistency.  And I do feel better for it.

Now for making smart food choices the rest of the day ... including eating a smart portion of the apple turnovers I will be making today.

The Law of the Harvest

Sunday was all about the Law of the Harvest, to wit: As a man sows, so shall he reap and He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.

The whole sparingly/bountifully concept immediately made me think "Drat.  My exercise levels hover between sparingly and non-existant.  If I am only going to reap sparingly then what is the point?  I can sow brownies and reap happiness now."

Never fear, the more rational voices in my head soon chimed in with "Yes, but you are striving.  And if you consistently sow exercise you will consistently reap health.  God knows you're a busy mama with a bazillion demands on your time.  You'll figure it out."

So,  I am off to sow apple slices and not hot-cocoa powder straight from the can.

Doing It

Megan was right.  When it comes to exercise you have to just do it.

Today I let the oatmeal cement to the pot.  I let the kids wait for lunch.  I let my fed, changed, snuggled baby holler.  I let the 2,892 items that are strewn higglety-pigglety around the house stay strewn.

Apparently that is what it takes.

That and a little motivation from Halloween indiscretions.

Day one done.  I may just be able to do this.  Perhaps I can stop thinking up words that rhyme with Megan.  :)

Happy Halloween

Ah Halloween, holiday of free candy, and for me, a realization that I have lost the path.  You know, the path that leads to healthy and slim and is paved with rice cakes, and lined with towering leafy celery stalks.  Can you see it from where you are?  Halfway into a fun-size milky way I realized that I couldn't see it.  Actually, that I hadn't seen it for a while.

I am ready for a do-over.

I have made my favorite fatal error - trying to improve everything at once and ultimately improving nothing.  Megan, would you be up for a challenge?  Here is what I have in mind.  We each choose one thing that plagues us (mine is making time for exercise.)  Then next week we do it three days in a row.  If one of us doesn't come through, then that person must write a poem about the other and post it on the blog.  How does that sound?

I will especially need this because I discovered last week that I can make divine apple turnovers and have been asked to make them for a family gathering.  They are good.  I mean Good.  I will be eating an apple turnover this week.  Okay, there is a strong likelihood I will be eating two.

Here is to exercise!

Red

Megan inspired me with her talk of fashion.  With the advent of deep fall (our mountains got a dusting of snow this week) I needed sweaters.  I pulled them all down out of the top of my closet onto my floor - a heap of brown and blacks, grays and steel blues.  I sorted the XLs from the Ls so I could find them easily and there at the bottom was a bright red sweater - size M nonetheless.  It was a throwback to a skinnier time when I dressed in smart, business clothes.  I love that sweater and as I have modulated up through the sizes, I have never been able to get rid of it.

Red is fabulous.

Bill Blass said "When in doubt, wear red."

The red of the sweater reminded me of a story of a fabulous woman - Minerva Tiechert.  A western woman and a phenomenal painter.  She trained for a few years at an art school back East.  One evening, close to graduation, there was to be a celebratory dinner and Minerva had been asked to give a toast.  She stood up in a bright red dress and quoted part of Eugene Field's poem "Red."

ANY color, so long as it's red,
Is the color that suits me best,
Though I will allow there is much to be said
For yellow and green and the rest;
But the feeble tints which some affect
In the things they make or buy
Have never--I say it with all respect--
Appealed to my critical eye.

Through acres and acres of art I've strayed
In Italy, Germany, France;
On many a picture a master has made
I've squandered a passing glance:
Marines I hate, madonnas and
Those Dutch freaks I detest;
But the peerless daubs of my native land,--
They're red, and I like them best.

'Tis little I care how folk deride,--
I'm backed by the West, at least;
And we are free to say that we can't abide
The tastes that obtain down East;
And we're mighty proud to have it said
That here in the versatile West
Most any color, so long as it's red,
Is the color that suits us best.
 

Incedentally, she spoke with such charisma that no one noticed that she only drank water, not the red wine that was served that night.

This is a tip of the hat to a fabulous woman. 

Yummy

Okay, so this weekend, celebrations and parties notwithstanding, I did a pretty good job of avoiding sugar.  I did this by pigging out on everything else.  Not so proud of that.

What I am proud of is a desert I made for a party at my house last night.  I mixed honeydew melon, strawberries, apples and blackberries with a sauce (juice of two limes and 4 T honey) put it all in a trifle bowl and sprinkled the top with coconut flakes.

I was surprised at how much everyone at the party appreciated having a healthy alternative.  Maybe we aren't the only ones struggling.

Megan, I am so glad you talked about wardrobe.  Just because I don't like my current silhouette, and just because some days pass without shower or make-up doesn't mean I have to be a frump.  I want STYLE.  I want PANACHE.  Let me know what you find that works.  I love that you are finding your own brand of fabulous.  Way to go Warrior.

Feeling fabulously excited!

Two things happened today:

1.  I took the time to look through my disaster I call a wardrobe (most of which is either hand-me-downs or big enough to fit so I just wear it) and decided it was time to figure out my style. What do I want to look like? What kind of person do I want to portray? What hair style, clothing and accessories do I want to wear? These questions really perplexed me, but excited me at the same time. My entire life I followed my mother and sister's styles. Now it is time to find what I LOVE (notice I didn't use 'like.' I need to feel passionate!)

 So what did I do? I spent a bit of time on Pinterest, which likely is just as addicting as sugar--I must be careful, and found some fashion that I LOVE! I am having fun with this and really enjoying visualizing how I am going to look as I take my journey to fabulous. In fact, I even donned an autumn purple scarf this afternoon as an accessory. I haven't done much with style lately so this was a big step.

2.  I watched a documentary about eating whole foods and found it extremely motivating. I have been way off on my understanding of how my diet should be and especially understanding guidelines of what should be eaten in moderation. There is a song from Sesame Street that explains to kids that "a cookie is a sometimes food." Hmmmm. That simple, huh? Why did I think that a cookie is the close to every stinkin' meal?!!! So I made a menu and went grocery shopping following my new found guidelines and hoping that I can teach my children to eat healthy while they are young. Then they won't have to deal with the psychological break down that I am I going through. There are so many foods that are supposed to be 'sometimes foods' but in our society we make them dietary staples. Time to fix that in my life.

Gotta keep this good thing goin'! 

Sometimes i simply HATE it

Too much has happened lately to describe in detail, so I will give the short version:

I HATE sugar. I went off it and felt great, then caved, ate some, and now I can't seem to stop. Bethany, it really is an addiction. Yuck.

I HATE that things get in my way of exercising. I know that blocking off a time to do it is important, but how do I do that when my schedule seems so unorganized lately. We've had non-stop family in town for the last three weeks which makes for delicious temptations and not much private time.

I HATE when I get a motivation and a goal in sight, but then I lose focus. Recently I have found a perfect motivation for losing weight and gaining confidence, and it has helped me some, but I need to always remember it in order to fulfill my goal. Why does it have to be so hard?!

But, most of all, I HATE feeling out of control. And I've been feeling that a lot lately. Whether it's the mountain of clean laundry needing to be folded, and I keep adding to it, or watching my hand continuing to feed my full stomach even though I don't want or need it. I need to plan my days and weeks, and stick to those plans. I need to "act and not be acted upon." I need to use my agency and make the correct choices. By making good, healthy choices I gain confidence and I continue to progress. I need to live every moment and every choice.

Good thing I can sit here and figure these things out as I express them to you. Thanks for listening.

Flurry

I have wanted to post so many times this week, but with canning season and fall break my time gets scattered like so many fall leaves.

Today I had a moment that begged to be recorded.  Today in my dance class one of my little five year old dancers came up to me, patted my amply endowed abdomen and innocently asked "How did you get such a big tummy?"  If a five year old is noticing, then there is definitely something to work on.

This little dancer is also the one that throws her arms around my waist after every class and says "I love you Miss Bethany."  That softened the blow a little ... a very little.

Right now I feel great about the limiting of sugar I am doing.  It has helped me maintain where I am, but I haven't made any progress for two weeks, so that must mean that the time to exercise had arrived - for reals this time.

Oh, and last week I was in the grocery store and the lure of the sugary yummy goodness was so strong I felt like there were fishing hooks in my soul pulling me toward something delicious and naughty.  I almost didn't make it out of there, but somehow I resisted.  Point one for the unwilling trout.  Honestly, this is an addiction for me.  Not everyone has had the experience of having food be like an addiction, so maybe it doesn't make sense, but I HAVE and IT CAN BE.

Here's to fighting the good fight.

A day at at time

Hey, so today is going well.  Granted, it is only 10 AM, but still.  I feel powerful.  I can do anything for a day (especially if a friend is doing it with me), and this day is all I am going to focus on.

Megan that article was great!  I am including a link to a talk that, while not about weight, is super motivating.  It is by Larry Gelwix, of "Forever Strong" fame.  And if you haven't seen "Forever Strong", I suggest hopping on Hulu and pulling it up right now.  No, seriously now.  It is that good.  Anyway, the real life coach of the Highland Rugby team gave a talk up at USU to their business department and it is well worth a watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEnnthmTl7o

So, when I read the lines you are going to practice in the mirror, I started thinking of what I would say.  Considering the quantity of kids songs and literature I'm exposed to, it is no wonder that my thoughts instantly became ridiculous.  "Oh, thank you, but cupcakes make me turn blue."  "Last time I ate cookies my tongue fell out."  "It's the strangest thing, but when I eat brownies, I have to light something on fire."  Oh to have the guts to actually use those.  They are fun to think about though.

NO, NO, NO!

Count me in! I think I literally just felt the spark of motivation that I've been missing these last few days. Tomorrow--no sugar, more exercise.

I went three days without sugar this week, and as difficult as it was, I felt great. In fact, I felt wonderful. Then, yesterday afternoon, I caved. I had gone too long without food and rationalized unlike I have ever done before. Pretty soon I had consumed three pieces of pumpkin cream cheese cake (which I should have thrown out days ago but thought I'd keep it for my husband's sake) and two glasses of milk. Yuck. I instantly felt regret along with a stomach ache. Ever since yesterday afternoon I feel like the biggest failure. What is wrong with me? I'd like to blame it on being an exhausted, breast feeding mother, but I don't think that is it. Tomorrow, we will have this challenge and just knowing that you are doing it with me, Bethany, will only inspire to be the best I can be. Thank you.

I wish I could honestly say that I am completely in control and really eating broccoli by the stalk AND dropping lbs like hot cakes, but it's not true. But it can be. Let's keep going tomorrow.

Here is a great article I read today to help me with some motivation. Take a look if you get the chance.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/497310-find-your-motivation/

We've got a ward party tomorrow night so I plan on controlling myself and practicing how to say "no" in the mirror tonight. "No, thank you. Sugar upsets my stomach." "No, I'm actually allergic to white flour." "No, I've got a dentist appointment in the morning." Hmmm. Those are good enough, right?
                                                

Challenge

Megan, how would you like to rouse the competitive blood a bit?   Not us versus each other, but us versus our habits.  Here is the challenge I lay down.  Tomorrow.  No sugar.  And we exercise.

Unless of course you are already doing this everyday.  I have this image of you living the perfect, healthy life, crunching raw broccoli with one hand and lifting dumbbells with the other.

If you do want to do a one day challenge here is what I'm thinking:  Exercise: no time limit, no sweat limit, we just have to set time aside and do something extra.  Sugar: a little sugar on oatmeal, I think is okay, but no sugary snacks or treats.  Our family is getting together with two other families tomorrow night and I want to commit to living healthy even through a party.

Are you game?

Battleship

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

~Catherine Aird

I feel like a horrible warning sometimes.

Why can't I get my act together?  Could it be that my life consists of so much more than just me?  Truly, if I were responsible only for my mess, laundry, cleaning, social, emotional, educational and physical well being I would be awesome!  How do I know this?  Because I've been there, lived that and I was, ahem, awesome.  

Not that I mean to make excuses.  All the excuses in the world won't make me thin or healthy.  I am just saying that it is hard.  Trying to make life changes for one is like turning a Mazda Miada.  It can be accomplished on a dime.  Changing lifestyles with four small kiddos is more like convincing a battleship to do a 180.  It takes a lot more energy, thrust and requires a crew.  Thanks Megan for being part of my crew.

Right now the caloric remains of my indiscretions have glommed on to my hips with the tenacity of a mollusk.  Today I thought about Megan dumping cinnamon rolls in the trash and eating fruit from her Mommy Shelf.  I rolled that thought around in my head while eating zucchini bread with butter.  I may be helpless.

I do not want to be a horrible warning.  I want to want to exercise enough to put my life on hold, put down my book, and put on spandex.  I want to want to eat more vegetables and start taking the time to make it happen.  

Desire is a good place to start.  The produce isle would also be a good place to start.  Tonight would be a good place to start.  But for now I am spent.  I am going to bed.  Perhaps Jillian Michaels will visit me in my dreams; my own personal ghost of fitness future.

I am grateful for the chance to write and re-focus on what I really want.

Success

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

~Winston Churchill

Many thanks to Megan for helping me maintain enthusiasm.  I know I am going to fail now and again and again, but I am so grateful that a single battle does not determine the war.  Time to hop back up on that horse, ride that bandwagon, put my shoulder to the wheel and find a few more metaphors :). 

Unlikely Blessings

While Conference weekend was wonderful in so many ways, I seem to always treat it like a holiday and I strayed a bit from my course. But, the Lord is always looking out for me. . .

It is tradition that on conference weekend I make cinnamon rolls slathered in butter cream frosting. I hesitated to make them this past weekend because I knew how hard it would be to resist. But I persisted anyway. It's tradition, right? As I was kneading the dough G came over and grabbed a piece to munch on. I thought it strange that he didn't eat it. Then my honey came over to try some. He asked, "Does this taste weird to you?" I tasted it and nearly gagged on a nasty metallic taste! I had used too much baking powder with aluminum in it! I baked them anyway to see if the horrible flavor would magically disappear, but it didn't.

So, in conclusion, I threw out nearly 3 dozen beautiful cinnamon rolls and that action gave me a feeling of empowerment. I don't need to eat desserts. They are not necessary to sustain my life, but I have acted as if they are! I am proud to say that today I have not eaten any processed sugar in the least. Instead I went to my mommy shelf and grabbed a piece of fruit to calm my sweet tooth. It was a good day.

Remembering

Once I've started to make a little progress on my weight and have purchased a few clothing items in my larger -post-pregnancy size, my desperation to be thin ebbs a little bit.  This leads to excuse making and treat eating and forgetting.  I forget, if just for a few days, why it is I want to continue this new lifestyle.  I forget why it is so important to stick to it now.  I forget the way I want to look.

So here is my reminder to me:

I do not have limitless time to work with.
If I want energy now, I need to eat right and exercise now.
I am not happy with the way I look.
I have a closet full of fabulous clothes1-2 sizes smaller than I am now.
I want to make my amazing husband say WOW.
I want to be an example of healthy habits for my children.
Feeling healthy is worth everything.

While I slid backwards a bit this Conference weekend, I am making course corrections today and I am happy to be progressing back toward the eating habits I want to have.

Still no progress on the exercising bit.  I am striving to get my milk-supply back up (not eating hardly anything for five days while I had the flu dried me up completely), but I am sure I can do some gentle exercises that, while not sweat inducing, could help me develop the habit.  I will keep that in mind today.

H2O

Amen sister, 3:00 is the worst!  The mommy-shelf idea is brilliant and massive applause on the running.  I am seriously impressed.

So, knowing how super important hydration is for health and weight loss, I just wanted to mention something that works for me and my fam.  I love plain water.  I also love flavor.  A while ago, we started diluting the juice we drink (50%-75% water) and I love it.  Regular juice is too sugary for me now.  By diluting it I get flavor, anti-oxidants, lots of hydration and way less sugar AND the juice lasts longer.  I also love herbal tea and herbal iced tea (I'd be happy to share recipes if there are any herbal tea drinkers out there.)  

Okay, so today I had several pieces of black licorice, probably more than I needed.  (Confession is cleansing for the soul, and I hope for the hips.)  But tonight, I chose chamomile tea with honey over hot-cocoa.  I feel happy with that decision and not in the least deprived.

I have finally recovered enough from this pernicious stomach virus that I can contemplate exercise.  Megan you are an inspiration.  I know I need to start exercising, I am just having a hard time getting started again.  I mean, I was on a serious roll when I got slammed with that bug, and now my second-wind is nowhere to be found.  Suggestions?

3:00 p.m.

Your post reflects my exact thoughts, Bethany. But you are making progress and that is huge! You savored those two cookies, and in my book, that is one giant step in the right direction because I know how easy it is to mindlessly eat half a tray. Keep up the good work!!

Something I've struggled with my entire life is mindlessly over eating. Just like any addiction, I needed to find the when and why to my unhealthy habits. So I did an experiment. For the last few days I have been tracking when I eat, what I eat, and how I feel when I'm eating it. I am astonished at what I've uncovered! Mornings are always fabulous; I eat very healthy and at consistent times. Then 3 pm hits like a bomb to destroy my entire day. Usually the boys are asleep, and I'm tired and bored looking for a quick pick-me-up, which ends up as sugar and may give a momentary high only to drag me even more in the dirt when it's over. I feel rotten afterwards and my dinner is then ruined but I somehow manage to still stuff myself. After the boys go to bed I go through the munch, bored, and tired process again. For three days now I've seen this pattern reoccur and it's time for it to end. But, like Bethany, I need something to turn to.

I've tried pampering myself, i.e. taking a bath or painting my nails; I've tried cleaning and organizing; I've tried getting out of the house and even going for a drive. These things work well, but I've also noticed that by avoiding my tendencies I become so hungry that the next time I eat I inhale anything edible in my reach.

So here is what I am going to try: Mommy's Snack Shelf. I am going to dedicate a cupboard shelf to just my snacks and when that 3 pm, or whenever, low comes I will ONLY go to that shelf and pick something from there. This is an experiment and I will post my progress.

As for my evening bad habits I have enlisted the help of my lovely husband. He has decided to get on board with my journey to fabulous! We have been taking time in the evenings to work out together like going for a run before it gets dark or doing a workout video after the kids are asleep. He's doing very well at patiently motivating me to work harder.

Each day is getting better and better. I can't forget this.

The cookie crumbles

So, you remember the pudding cookies I mentioned in my last post?  The ones I did such a good job of avoiding?  Yeah, well I just ate two.  They are, if anything, even softer the second day and I needed something.  Was I celebrating a small victory?  Not unless making it to 10:45 is a victory.

So what was the deal?  At the moment I needed something going into my bucket.  I need to have things that are just for me.  Right now even showers and potty breaks are public events.  If I turn on a show I instantly have one child in my lap and another draped over my shoulders.  If I try to read a book anarchy erupts around me.  Cathartic shopping is not a financial possibility and while packing 3 to 4 children around on a walk is fun, it is still work, and is certainly not just for me.  Sugar is a fast, easy way of spoiling myself.

I did just place a hold on three books at the library.  That is one of my favorite escapes and I intend to purchase pieces of reading time with PBS and the semi-comatose effect it has on my children.  I would love some ideas on bucket filling.  It would be great if they didn't involve getting up early.  That will be great once I am sleeping more, but right now, as much as I love the quiet of AM hours, it would leave me tired and irritable for the rest of the day.  Replacing sugar with something else quick and fulfilling would be a good idea for me.

There was a victory in all of this though.  All that restraint from the weekend has left a mark.  I ate my two cookies slowly and by the time they were gone I felt done.  I didn't want any more.  Normally, the first two don't even bounce once on the way down and I end up eating way more just to feel like I've tasted them.  This was a controlled treat, not a desperate binge and that is progress.

Little Victories

Thanks to committing to report on my tea making status, I did indeed make the time to make a big batch of tea and it helped a ton.  Hooray me.

So, I firmly believe that food, especially sugar, is a great way celebrate life.  The problem arises when we start celebrating everything.  Ta da, I finished my sandwich.  I had better celebrate with a cookie now.

Well yesterday my son's soccer team had a party complete with ice-cream sundaes.  I adore ice-cream sundaes.  And after the Relief Society broadcast there was bunt cake and ice-cream.  And now, my family is making cookies because it's Sunday, and what better way to celebrate the Sabbath or connect with neighbors than through  my very delicious pudding cookie recipe (seriously, it's fabulous.)  And I haven't had one bit!  So far, my commitment to health is trumping all of that yumminess.  Huh.  Apparently I am capable of that.

Plus, I love fall treats and I want to save my indulgences for what I really want.  I really want to make apple turnovers this month.  I really want to attend a fine chocolate tasting class at an upscale deli in the area.  And I really want to go on a date to a little British fish and chips shop where they fry absolutely everything.  That means I need to make choices.  I can't have my health and my sundaes and bundts and turnovers and cookies too.  Some indulgences make me oh, so happy.  Too many just make me feel sick and weak.

This is hard.  But I don't want to be soft anymore.
On to amazingness.

Baby Steps

I completely agree! Being a mother, wife, etc., is a wonderful occupation, but the hard part is how much we can forget about ourselves in the process. Then again the reward is rich when you see how your selflessness has blessed the lives of your family. Why can't I be skinny with a ton of energy as well?! All excuses aside, our time will come when our children are grown and we'll have all the time in the world to pamper ourselves, right? Please tell me that time will come--

ZUMBA, baby!!!! Last night I went to my first Zumba class in 9 months! It was thrilling, other than I felt like an awkward dancing dairy cow. I got my groove on next to two women who had babies about the same time as I so I felt very comfortable letting loose and just having fun (I figured they understood). After all, working out should definitely be fun. I can't wait for next tuesday!

I found an amazing blog recently with hundreds of delicious, healthy recipes (and I really do mean delicious!) I decided to incorporate 3 recipes from this website into this week's menu. Tonight we had turkey and black bean enchiladas. Mmmmmm... they were perfect and quite filling! In fact, my hubby even adored them (and that's really saying something!) If you're looking for some new healthy recipes, check it out!

I feel like Bob Wiley from "What About Bob." I just have to keep taking baby steps in everything I do. That's when real progress is made. "... baby steps get on the bus, baby steps down the aisle, baby steps... "

So True

That is so true.  I look back at pictures where I was mortified to be in front of a lens because of my weight and I now think I looked great.  Why did I waste so much time being down on myself?

The addiction recovery program is a little spiral bound volume available for  $3 on store.lds.org.  Just search for "addiction recovery" and it should pop up.

Well, my stomach is off again, which means it is still easy to eat pretty well.  What is not easy is actually taking care of myself.  I have been meaning to make myself some tea for days now, but somehow it just never happens.  Taking care of my little brood takes so much time that I always seem to come in last.

That is not a healthy way to go about it.  I know I need to be filling my bucket first, so I can continue taking care of everyone.  It seems that being selfish like that should come easier, but it doesn't.  I am determined to start making myself a priority though.   I commit to reporting on my tea situation in my next post.

Going Forward

To live in the moment is a gift. I have yet to obtain that gift, but, oh, how I'd love to have it. Someone who felt as I do once said, "Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." Well, I want so badly to realize the valuable moments NOW.

Yesterday I received a photo book in the mail of my Baby E's hospital and newborn pictures. It is beautiful and I loved flipping through the pages over and over. I pulled out my Big Boy G's photo book from his birth and was enjoying tearing up to all the fun photos, when I came across a pic of G cuddled up in my arms (a full body shot). It's definitely not a glamorous shot of me, but I looked beautifully happy holding my newborn baby. At the time the picture was taken I felt like the most disgusting, overweight Megan possible. But when I looked at that photo yesterday I ached to be back in that moment: smiling wearily, happy as could be to have my handsome son, and, not to mention, 20 lbs lighter than I am now. I wish I could go back and appreciate the fabulous moments that I let slip by. One day I will look back at myself today and wish I could be here once again.

So what am I going to do? I am going to leave this buzzing computer screen, give my boys a kiss, and with that same weary smile on my face, LIVE today, because it will only be a memory tomorrow.

Oh, and, Bethany, as for the Addiction Recover Program I would love to do it!  I definitely need to do it. What do I do first?

Miss Piggy's Words of Wisdom

"Never eat more than you can lift"

"Never let your frog out-dress you."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

"There is the satisfaction of providing your public with a vision of true beautology, true sytlisity, - how can I put it? – true glamorositude."

~Miss Piggy

Emerson said "The first wealth is health."  I believe it.  I am so happy to be feeling a little better.  Just having come through something like that has almost inoculated me against even wanting sugar.  Okay, I admit Megan's description of that Costco cake got me salivating, but I am too close to the effects of one of my binges right now.

Have you ever seen El Dorado?  It's arguably the best John Wayne movie ever.  In one scene, one of the characters mixes up a concoction of cayenne pepper, gunpowder etc. and makes a concoction to sober up the town's drunk sherif.  He claimed it did something to the stomach so it wouldn't tolerate liquor for a while.  It worked and the town was saved.  This Flu has had the same effect on me, but I can feel that I'm to the point where I will once again be willing and able to make some really wrong choices again and I want to make right ones instead.

I just turned on Pandora, and right there at the top is an ad with a gorgeous taco and huge orange words that say GIVE IN, you know you want to.  Aurgh.  The world is against me.  I know I want to give in and the nation's advertisers know it too.  But they say that nothing tastes as good as slim and healthy feels.  Take that taco guys.

Now to find something healthy to eat while the voice in my head is saying "taco, taco, taco, taco."  

Hey Megan, any interest in doing the addiction recovery program published by the church?  I started it last year, loved it, and I would really like to try doing it again.  Just a thought.

Here's to slim and healthy thoughts all day long.

Consistency 101

I must admit something in hopes that my realization will open some beautiful insight that will instantly fix my problem. That problem is a lifetime of inconsistency. I have the inability to stay consistent in almost every aspect of my life from staying on a new diet to posting on my blog everyday (as you can clearly see).

You see, on my journey to fabulous I find myself one day taking off on a exciting and glorious road at full speed, but then a small pothole or appealing distraction will appear on that road and, with such a determent, I find myself crashed into a pile of twisted self-despair that may take days to recover from. By the time I am ready to go full speed again I am only further behind. It is an endless road of fleeting motivation, but with my set backs I only lose trust in myself.

Let me set the stage to a perfect example of this. I was going on a road trip this past week and, knowing that I am a sucker for making excuses on vacation, I packed some healthy snacks for the road. I felt so proud and motivated at this choice! Upon arriving at my folks' house I was welcomed with a delicious temptation: A Costco mousse filled sheet cake, aka my favorite binge food ever. I told myself I could resist, and did I? No. No, I did not. And after feeling completely defeated by this inanimate and harmless cake I fell victim to a weekend of horrifying eating habits; the exact habits that I am trying to overcome.

So what do I do about this? How can I become the person that I want to become when I fail myself so often? I will be doing some soul searching and I will get back to you. And if you have ANY advice for me, please feel free to speak up. Trust me, I could use it.

Bethany, you are a serious trooper. And, I might mention, and amazing example to me. Thank you for YOUR consistency and your posts. Flu bugs come and go, but our journey to fabulous will continue. I say that so I can remember it most of all! Keep up the good work!

Habits

Okay, I know I said I needed to hand off for a bit, but there is a lot to be said for maintaining a habit, so I am writing.  Good habits are the purpose of this blog after all.

What am I learning?  The flu is not fabulous.  Really not fabulous.  I think it is more than coincidental that I got hit so shortly after being stupid with my sugar.  I know  sugar compromises my immunity faster than anything and yet I chose sugar.  Stupidity is not fabulous either.

On the up-side, I feel like I am being given a fresh start in a way.  As I heal I can choose to build my diet up from scratch.  Dr. Ann Wigmore said “The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.”  Wise words.

Victory for the day:  I poured the rest of my ginger-ale down the sink.  I was the cheap kind with no actual ginger in it, just sugar and chemicals, and I commit to choose more natural, less sugary fluids to aid my recovery.

Hand Off

This bug is pernicious.  Just reading scriptures to my kiddos this morning made me break out in a soaking sweat.

Megan, I think I need to hand this off to you for a while.  I will probably write more effectively on healthy eating when I can eat again.

How depressing, but I'll leave with this lovely quote.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for he past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

~Buddah

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence."

~Calvin Coolidge

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."

~Orson Wells

Too sick to exercise today, or to even write my own post (thanks Cal and Orson for doing it for me.)  On the upside, I am also too sick to eat any junk.

I hope everyone else is feeling well.

Confession Time

My neighbor brought over a plate of orange julius cookies this afternoon (heaven on a plate).  I so needed a treat today, which is fine.  But did I eat one like a healthy person and share the rest with my children?  No.  I snuck back to my room and hid the plate on my dresser.  I ate five and shared one with my hubby.  How embarasing!  That is not who I want to be.  I want to be a healthy, in-control woman, not a skulk off into the shadows and binge type of person.

Aurghhhhhh!  And I was doing so well too.  I mean, relatively speaking.  Three days of exercise in a row has lowered my milk supply, so I'm trying to up my calories (in a good way, not in a cookie way.)

ANYWAY.  On a happier note I did Zumba tonight and I had a breakthrough.  When it comes to the yelling and "Woo-Woo!" ing in class I am totally self conscious.  But I want to be Fabulous.  Being Fabulous means being at least a little brave.  So I did it.  I stopped pretending to yell and actually made some noise.  It sounded dorky in my ears, but I did it.

Two yells forward.  Five cookies back.

Here's to nobler tomorrows.

30 minutes

I did get to exercise yesterday and it felt great.

Today I tried exercising with all my children home and that was not quite as successful. Child #2 thinks I look funny when I punch and child #3 thinks my arm exercises look like flying and says "Stop Flying Mom!" while I do them. And with constant distractions (for example I discovered pee on my family room carpet) my workout was not quite as productive as I would have liked. But I did it. That counts. Those 30 minutes, unlike cleaning the toy room, will not be undone two minutes after I finish.

Today it was really, really hard for me to take those 30 minutes for me. My house is out of control. But then I remember that my weight is out of control too, and I will be spending ALL DAY working on my house and working for my children. I deserve those 30 minutes.

I feel good about how I've been eating the last two days too. However, if Caroline keeps following me around saying "Moooooom" (you know, with the whiny tone that travels up a fifth in pitch) all day, I am going to be sorely tempted to hit some high-sugar carbs. Help!!!!!

Balls

Yesterday I saw a poster in our church building with a picture of a woman on a tightrope balancing items on her nose and juggling while spinning rings around her left ankle. Sound familiar? It sure did to me.

I thought about all the balls I was trying to keep in the air - at least I was trying to think while bouncing a crying baby and chasing a yelling two year old down the church hallway. And somewhere between the bouncing and the running I came to the realization (yet again) that I can't do it. I can't keep all my balls in the air all the time. So I picked two. I want to keep my gospel ball in the air and my efforts towards health in the air today.

Well, not sleeping through the night and changing our morning schedule into a "get child #1 ready for school" schedule still has me a bit sideways. While we didn't manage our full morning devotional, we did get in one page of illustrated scriptures and a prayer (the prayer was at the expense of tooth brushing). And even though the advent of an 8 AM carpool has obliterated our no-cold-cereal-except-on-special-occasions policy, I am munching on celery to atone for the three bowls of sugar coated styrofoam I just ingested.

So, my balls are a little out of control, but I am focusing. I hate letting anything drop, but I am going to crunch my celery and read my scriptures. Take that ten baskets of laundry. Did you hear that sink full of dishes? Mama is about to prioritize.

Oh, and get this. My kids just went to a play date and child #4 is asleep. If I play my cards right, I will be able to exercise too. Woo Hoo!

p.s. Megan, if you want any crazy remedies (you know, the kind that works, but makes you think you would rather stay stay sick) give me a jingle. I am sending healthy thoughts your way. Good Luck.

Cake, anyone?

Breakfast:  Whole wheat pancakes slathered in butter and homemade maple syrup.

Snack: A ripe, juicy pear (trying to make a healthy choice to make up for the breakfast.)

Lunch/Afternoon snack: A bit too much chocolate cake with a glass of milk.

Dinner: TBD because of tummy ache from cake.

The last few days I have had a rotten cold which has continually built into something much worse. This morning I woke up to swollen gums, glands, and lymph nodes down my jawline and neck. I couldn't even close my mouth or turn my head. To top it off I now have ulcers spotting my lips and tongue. Miserable. This made biting solid food difficult, so I turned to the softer food instead, which happened to be cakes (fried for breakfast and baked for lunch). Even more miserable. What a mistake to make today. I need a serious cleanse of my system tonight.

On a brighter note, Bethany, your post yesterday has given me the hope that I can LOVE myself again. I haven't felt that in a long, long time. But it's not too late to try again. Life is beautiful, and so am I.  I'm sick of just SURVIVING each day; it's time to be THRIVING each day.

Because

Megan, if ever there was a child that deserved a good dunking it's that one. What a little twerp! Honestly, other people's children ...

Okay, so I am officially a blog dork. I have checked the blog five times today, wondering if you would have internet access yet and YEAH you do. Amen to loosing the excuses and finding the energy to keep up with our children. You are awesome!

So, today I watched some bits of a show about body image that has an ... ahem ... questionable title. It was called "How to Look Good Naked." I watched pieces from the original British series and a few bits from the American knock-off. The show features a style guru who helps plus-size women with body issues to love the skin they're in. He teaches these ladies how do dress for their body type, how to wear their hair etc. As I saw women who were roughly the same size as me, look into a mirror and feel beautiful for the first time in years, something clicked. I can be beautiful now. And because I am beautiful and strong I am capable of even more greatness in my life. I am not on this path because I am lacking, but because I am capable of more. I can eat healthy because I am fabulous and I deserve to treat myself well. I can exercise because I love to move. These changes do not add to my worth. I am doing it because I am worth it.

This is a big step for someone who hasn't taken a good look in a full-length mirror for the last three months. So, can I maintain the fire to be better and look better and accept who I am at the same time? Can I stop making excuses for my bad habits and make time for better ones? Can I stop calling myself "chipmunk cheeks" every time I look in the mirror? I don't know, but I sure want to try.

Children are almost too honest. As are swimsuits apparently.

Tuesday night my husband surprised us all with an early end to his school and work day! We had an enjoyable light dinner and then decided to squeeze (at least I had to) into our swimsuits and head over to the pool. In my deepest of hopes, I prayed that no one would be there to witness my incredibly embarrassing array of love handles and porcelain, cellulite filled columns I call legs. To my relief there was a lovely grandmother there with her three adorable grandchildren. The two girls were probably 7 and 10 years old, while her grandson was around 5. My thoughts were, "Oh, thank heavens. This family won't even notice me here."

How wrong I was.

As my husband and 2-year-old son jumped, splashed and played happily, I sat contently on the side with my 3-month-old slowly dipping his toes in the water, when I heard one girl whisper all too loudly, "Her with the baby!" I looked up expecting someone to comment on my adorably chubby baby boy, but the hand gestures along with the repetitive use of the word "fat" made me realize they were talking about the not-so-adorably chubby me. Ouch. Her grandma reprimanded her and they grabbed there bags and soon left.

If a child can openly and honestly notice my problem, then it's apparent that I need to admit to myself that I have the problem. No more excuses. No more saying, "I just had a baby," "I'm breastfeeding," or "I've been on vacation." I need to do it today! And tomorrow! And every day after that! That is how the change occurs and how it stays. It's how I find the energy, and the physical ability, to keep up with my happy boys. And it's going to happen today.

Many thanks to my sister-in-law Bethany for her inspiring words and willingness to help me along this journey. And when we do see one another again I know that we can both say, "You look FABULOUS!" This is only the beginning of a wonderful journey.

Bethany: Zumbarific

Okay, so last night's Zumba class was awesome. I officially have dorky mom moves which are about two parts Beyonce and two parts my mother and six parts Bulgy the whale and it DIDN'T EVEN MATTER! I loved it. I got a ten card punch pass and I will be going back. So that takes care of one day a week ... now for the rest of them ....

So, I talked to Megan today and her internet company won't be able to get her internet up and running till the end of the week. Darn their hides. I am so excited to read her posts (she said she has been thinking up ideas all week.) Just talking to her on the phone motivates me and even though I haven't been able to talk much (I always seem to be going into a doctors appointment or yelling something like "Why would you eat tape?" just as she calls) just having someone to do this with makes a big difference for me.

Confession: I have not done so hot today ... in any area really. But I can do better. And I can start NOW!

The Hokey Pokey

"You put your whole self in and you shake it all about .... "

When I got in the car to drive carpool today, the Hokey Pokey came on. It was nothing but background noise till that line penetrated my consciousness. You see, last night was a caloric disaster. My hormones must be doing post-pregnancy gymnastics because last night was a face plant off the uneven bars. Between bouts of wanting to cry for no good reason (which is so not me. If I am going to cry I know exactly why and I know what [or who] I need to fix it) I realized that I needed chocolate or someone was going to get hurt - not in the funny bumper-sticker "hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt" sort of way, more in the honest to goodness, run for your life sort of way. Apparently I am still hormonal, because that last sentence is a grammatical train wreck. Anyway, I called my husband and asked if he would pick up some bread and milk and chocolate on the way home. He asked what kind of chocolate and I said something out of this world fabulous, filled with clouds and frosted with angel wings. He brought home Hagen Daz dark chocolate ice cream bars which was close enough. I shall spare you the finger-licking details.

Enter the Hokey Pokey. It made me realize that when it comes to being fit and fabulous I really want to put my "whole self in." Committing my whole self means committing the hormonally crazed parts of myself too. And I found a Zumba class close to my house so tonight I really am going to "shake it all about."

Bear with me through one last Hokey Pokey reference - By committing to health yet again I hope to "turn myself around because that's what it's all about." (Groan. I know. I just couldn't resist.)

Bethany: From Guilt to Green

I stuck my hand in the bag of knock-off Raisin Bran, munched and stuck my hand in again. After about eight munches I remembered that I would be writing a post for this blog later this afternoon. That stopped me mid-crunch. So I reached for a cucumber.

Now I love my salad and cucumber slices, but really, there is only so much of that a girl can chew down. Enter the vita-mix. {vita-mix: super blender, powerful enough to turn a Christmas tree into mulch ... or just about.} I love my vita-mix so much I am thinking of naming him Victor and pretending he has an exotic accent. But I digress. I love making green drinks and this summer, prompted by the presence of some rather large cucumbers in my garden (seriously, one was 28 inches long), I discovered two great new green-drinks. I just made one for lunch and I feel great!

The recipe?

cucumber (as much as you want)

a little water

a little ice

the juice of one lime or one lemon with the yellow cut off.

sweetner (I use raw honey, but you can use stevia, agave, or sugar)

Optional additions:

Ginger - an inch of peeled, fresh ginger.

tip: if your ginger starts to go bad in the fridge, cut it into inch long pieces, peel it and freeze it.

Melon - cantaloupe or honeydew. As much as you want. We had a whole bowl left over from dinner and I threw the whole thing in. It was yummy.

Mint. I am dying to try mint in this, but I didn't grow mint this year so I haven't yet.

If you have leftover juice, freeze it for popsicles. They taste like something you would find at a spa.

More green recipes later.

Oh, and I did stay away from the chocolate chips all day yesterday! I somehow think that means I should have lost five pounds. Oh well. I am very proud anyway.

Bethany: Spider Man and Soccer Moms

Motivation can come from everywhere.

First Motivator - On Monday, my husband and I took his brother to "The Amazing Spider Man." We had a good time. Then, as we got ready to go, it happened. I never thought it would be me! But as I stood to leave my hips got stuck underneath the cup-holders. Aurghhhh. A few more inches and I might still be there. Good grief. I used to be a size-five, hard-core dancer who could Samba in three inch heels. Inside I still feel like that.

Second motivator - my fellow soccer moms. I am an official, treat toting, sideline cheering, camp-chair sitting, soccer- mom. There are a few moms on my son's team that have as many kids as I do and still manage to have amazing figures, amazing hair, crazy good makeup and here's the kicker - they're super nice. I want that! I mean, if they were awful people I could say that sheer meanness was burning off those unwanted calories, but they are very, very nice.

Okay, I'm really not that petty. I just wonder how they do it. CORRECTION. I wonder how I am going to do it. I have a metabolism that was sidelined by a hard hit of chronic fatigue. I am just now beginning to fully re-gain my health. And I want to keep my milk-supply while becoming fit and fabulous.

So far, I have not had my daily handful of chocolate chips. That has been my mid-afternoon therapy for weeks now. (And no, it is not a demure seven chip handful.) First part of my plan - resist the chocolate ALL DAY. Note, this is not a vow of abstinence. But this is the beginning of will power. On to great things one bit of self-control at a time.

Bethany: New Beginnings

Many thanks to my sister-in-lawMegan for helping me refresh my desire to be fabulous.  The whole 365 day thing was looking a little long and lonely (This blog used to be called 365 Days to Fabulous).

At a recent family gathering Megan and I got our heads together.  We are both moms with young kids.  We both recently had babies.  And we both want to be fit and fabulous ... okay, we're pretty spectacular already, but we want to be even better.  

That means major renovations inside and out (for me at least).  To do that we agreed that we needed some support and accountability because this is hard!  That is why we are going to do this blog together.  Plus, since we live in different states if one of us has a hard day and wants to eat an entire tray of brownies, the other can't say "Hey, I'll come join you."  Although if they were mint brownies .... let's just say some things are worth crossing state lines for.

This set-up also appeals to my deep sense of vanity.  If I go to the next family get-together and Megan looks fabulous and I am still sporting my XL maternity wardrobe I am going to be ticked at myself. 

We will officially start posting on Monday.  Go Team!

Day 5

Crash, Burn and Rise from the ashes


Well, the lack of sleep and post-partum hormones resulted in whole sleeves of Oreos being consumed in a sitting, much snitching of cookie dough mindless snacking.  


This is not fabulous.  I've lost sight of who I want to be.  


Forget calories and dress sizes, I want to be the kind of woman who can come face to face with a pan of brownies and just eat one.  I want strength, grit and gumption.  I want to choose what goes into my mouth rather than have my habits choose for me.  I want to savor food rather than taking the garbage disposal approach.


Fabulous means being the leading lady not the quirky best friend or sidekick.  I need to channel Irene Dunn, Barbra Stanwyck, Rosalind Russell, Katherine Hepburn, Sarrah Rafferty, Sandra Bullock ...  I mean, I am married to the ultimate leading man (think Cary Grant meets Jimmy Stewart with a hint of John Wayne) and I want to make him proud as much as I want to make me proud.  This mountain mama wants a touch of the great and the glamorous.


Of course that will come slowly.  But come it will.


Now, I am going to bypass the Oreos and go grab an apple.

Day 1

The Trouble With Ducks


I don't know what your ducks are like, but mine never stay in a row. This blog has been on my mind for a long time, but things kept bumping my ducks out of order - birthday parties, pregnancy, job changes, my husband bringing home nine chickens - the timing was just never perfect.

Well, forget perfect. I am going for fabulous.

"Fabulous?!" The practical voice in my head is screaming. "You just had a baby six days ago, your house is a wreck, your body is not much better, you aren't sleeping and and you think this is the time to start pursuing the path to fabulousness?" "Yep," I say back "this is the right time."

Welcome to my breed of crazy.

You see, I need fabulous right now. I need to find it in the whirlpool of diapers, laundry and 3 a.m. feedings that are my life. I need to find it in the puffy, pale bedraggled person who looks back at me from the mirror.

So, while three of my "ducks" are with grandma and the fourth is asleep, I am going to make my first stab at fabulous. Fabulous should always begin with a shower.


(1 hour, 1 feeding session and 1 poopy diaper later)


A long hot shower, a delicious new body wash, shaved legs and I am feeling much closer to fabulous.