So, you remember the pudding cookies I mentioned in my last post? The ones I did such a good job of avoiding? Yeah, well I just ate two. They are, if anything, even softer the second day and I needed something. Was I celebrating a small victory? Not unless making it to 10:45 is a victory.
So what was the deal? At the moment I needed something going into my bucket. I need to have things that are just for me. Right now even showers and potty breaks are public events. If I turn on a show I instantly have one child in my lap and another draped over my shoulders. If I try to read a book anarchy erupts around me. Cathartic shopping is not a financial possibility and while packing 3 to 4 children around on a walk is fun, it is still work, and is certainly not just for me. Sugar is a fast, easy way of spoiling myself.
I did just place a hold on three books at the library. That is one of my favorite escapes and I intend to purchase pieces of reading time with PBS and the semi-comatose effect it has on my children. I would love some ideas on bucket filling. It would be great if they didn't involve getting up early. That will be great once I am sleeping more, but right now, as much as I love the quiet of AM hours, it would leave me tired and irritable for the rest of the day. Replacing sugar with something else quick and fulfilling would be a good idea for me.
There was a victory in all of this though. All that restraint from the weekend has left a mark. I ate my two cookies slowly and by the time they were gone I felt done. I didn't want any more. Normally, the first two don't even bounce once on the way down and I end up eating way more just to feel like I've tasted them. This was a controlled treat, not a desperate binge and that is progress.
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