Battleship

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

~Catherine Aird

I feel like a horrible warning sometimes.

Why can't I get my act together?  Could it be that my life consists of so much more than just me?  Truly, if I were responsible only for my mess, laundry, cleaning, social, emotional, educational and physical well being I would be awesome!  How do I know this?  Because I've been there, lived that and I was, ahem, awesome.  

Not that I mean to make excuses.  All the excuses in the world won't make me thin or healthy.  I am just saying that it is hard.  Trying to make life changes for one is like turning a Mazda Miada.  It can be accomplished on a dime.  Changing lifestyles with four small kiddos is more like convincing a battleship to do a 180.  It takes a lot more energy, thrust and requires a crew.  Thanks Megan for being part of my crew.

Right now the caloric remains of my indiscretions have glommed on to my hips with the tenacity of a mollusk.  Today I thought about Megan dumping cinnamon rolls in the trash and eating fruit from her Mommy Shelf.  I rolled that thought around in my head while eating zucchini bread with butter.  I may be helpless.

I do not want to be a horrible warning.  I want to want to exercise enough to put my life on hold, put down my book, and put on spandex.  I want to want to eat more vegetables and start taking the time to make it happen.  

Desire is a good place to start.  The produce isle would also be a good place to start.  Tonight would be a good place to start.  But for now I am spent.  I am going to bed.  Perhaps Jillian Michaels will visit me in my dreams; my own personal ghost of fitness future.

I am grateful for the chance to write and re-focus on what I really want.