Most

This week found me in the office of a chiropractor.  My neck and back are functioning better than ever and there is not a migraine in sight.  Yeah!  On this chiropractor's "get-to-know you" form there was a question that made me sit up straight and take stock.  The question was "What do you want most from your life?"

I'm sure the question struck me so deeply because I have not been living in a way that gives me what I want most from my life.

As I've mulled that over, I realize that what I want may not look like what other people want.  It may not even look like what I thought I wanted and what I want may change as my life changes.

For example, I have a friend who just posted on Facebook that it has been one year since she intentionally ate sugar.  Seriously?!?!  That is massively inspiring.  I do want to not be addicted to sugar.  I do want the benefits of a sugar free life.  I also really want to make cookies with my kids.  I want them to remember moms apple-turnovers.  I want to drink mugs of steaming cocoa on Christmas.  And if I make them I am going to eat them.  Abstinence is not an option at that point.  Moderation is.  Abstinence isn't.

I know what I want.  It looks different than what other people want.  I need to be okay with that.  I want to own that.

So, what do I want?

I want power over my cravings.
I want to make wise choices in the treats I eat.
I want to be satisfied without gorging.
I want to progress toward a healthier weight.
I want energy.
I want health.
I wan LIFE and I want it more abundantly.

My kids had a party last night and there is a bottle of pop and a bowl of gummy worms left over.  After some reflection, I don't want them.  This goes beyond a determination to diet, a commitment to "be good" for a certain number of days.  I don't want them.  I want other things more.  To me, that feels real.  That feels like conversion - even if it's just for a day, or even just for a morning I feel at peace and in tune with what I want MOST.