Dear Holidays, Why do you have to be so dangerous?!

This time of year of fantastic in so many ways--Christmas music, delicious spiced smells, parties, shopping--and yet so awful from the perspective of looking down at the scale. I thought I did considerably well after the Thanksgiving week and I felt pretty great! But come Cyber Monday morning I find myself 5 lbs heavier.  FIVE POUNDS!!! I can't tell you the wretched feeling that came over me seeing that number--the number I saw when I went into the hospital to deliver my oldest son!!! Who is this monster that has eaten the real Megan?!

It's been two weeks since then and I still feel rotten. I know this is a joyous time of year, but, c'mon, how can I find joy when even my maternity clothes don't fit well? Oh how I would love to slip into a pair of non-maternity jeans that hug me in all the RIGHT places:)

I apologize for not writing for over a month now. I obviously have been a bit down on myself. We're going through some major life changes with my sweethart graduating soon and beginning a new job. This means that money, my clothing, and my schedule are pretty tight right now. I constantly tell myself, "Everything would be better if. . ." But the truth is if I don't change my habits under the difficult circumstances then I will hardly be able to change them when life becomes even more difficult. And from my experience, life doesn't get simpler--only more complicated. Changing unhealthy habits during the holidays is possible. It may not be fun, but then again is gorging yourself on candy and treats til you're completely sick really FUN? I think not. Pulling up those non-maternity jeans (or even attempting some sexy lingerie) would be FUN.

Merry Holidays everyone.

Thank you universe

So, I have been lacking in motivation - Seriously Lacking.

Today I had motivation handed to me on a silver platter.

1.  I tried on a swimming suit.  _____________!  (Insert exclamation that conveys shock, dismay revulsion, despair, a nose wrinkle and a heartfelt raspberry.)

2.  Precious child #3(who is 2) told me my tummy looked gross in the swimming suit.  In her defense, it kinda did.

3.  Darling child #2 asked if there was another baby in my tummy.

and perhaps most importantly

4.  Last week a kid (who will remain anonymous) has been talking to child #1 about dieting to get a smaller tummy.  That enrages me!!!!  Child #1 is seven for pete sakes.  We have talked and I don't think the experience was a big deal for her ... this time.  I know the best gift I can give her in this area is an example of how to live healthy.  Having a mother who feels beautiful may be the most potent antidote for skewed body image.

Thank you universe.  I think I can see again.

Hallelujah!

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!

Ex-cu-ses I stuck it to ya!

Ev-ery-body now say "Boo-ya!"

I worked out before dawn!

I have tried to exercise at every conceivable hour of the day and the night.  Apparently, at this stage of life, early morning is my only option.  No, I am still not sleeping through the night, but if 5:30 a.m. is the only time I can consistently exercise then that is when I need to exercise.

And I DID IT!  I feel great and I am actually looking forward to tomorrow.

The last three times I exercised for more than two days in a row I have ended up with the flu.  In my rational mind I know that it was not cause and effect, but my irrational mind is a little worried.  I'd better hit the herbs and oils extra hard the next few days.

The road to health is paved with good intentions - at least the first part of the road is.

(Sung to the chorus of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Failure, failure degradation

High caloric inhalation

Granola bar adulation

Yet somehow I'll go on.

Rough couple of days here.  Ca you tell?

I found great comfort in these words from Marvin J. Ashton:

"You haven't failed until you've quit trying.

One of Satan's most powerful tools is discouragement.  Whisperings of 'you can't do it, you're no good, it's too late, what's the use,' or 'things are hopeless,' are tools of destruction.  Satan would like you to believe that because you've made one mistake it's all over.  He wants you to quit trying."
(Ensign May 88 pg. 63)

I know I keep blogging about my failures.  I find it therapeutic.  And in the end, I suppose the point is that I am still striving, or at least desiring, to move forward.

One additional point - I don't know if I'm mature enough for this whole delayed returns concept.  When you buy a shirt, you get the shirt, right then.  No store in the world is going to say "Here.  You can have one sleeve now, one cuff next week and in a month we'll send you the collar and the buttons."  But that is exactly what happens with dieting (oh, I know somewhere in the deep invisible inside changes probably happen instantly, but I am in irrational mode here, please don't derail me with facts.)

With diet and exercise the philosophy is "Sweat today, eat healthy today and tomorrow and every day after that and your housekeeping will got to pot and it will be hard and if you are very, very good you may see an infinitesimal result in six weeks.  Yeah!  Don't you feel motivated?"

No.

But you see, I know there are some more immediate benefits.  And I know this is the path that leads to where I want to go.  So, self, it is time to stop chasing butterflies in the valley of endless maternity pants and put your foot back on the road to health.

Pennies

We all know the story - there is a rich man with two sons.  He gives them a choice, they can have a million dollars today or they can have a penny that doubles every day for 30 days.  Anyone who has been through seventh grade math has encountered this little gem and knows that the wise choice is the penny, because at the end of 30 days you will have over five million dollars.

I like this story.  I like the way it illustrates the principle that consistency yields the greatest results over time.  As I have mentioned before, sometimes baby steps drive me nuts - I want to do it all now.  But that m.o. just does not jive in my world.  Now obviously I can't double the amount of exercise I do  every day for 30 days, but if I do something little, even penny little, every day, I will reap the biggest results over time.  

Today has been crazy and this week just gets crazier (Nutcracker etc.) and penny size is about what I can wrap my mind around.

I commit to reporting on what my One Cent Wonder for today is.

Most

This week found me in the office of a chiropractor.  My neck and back are functioning better than ever and there is not a migraine in sight.  Yeah!  On this chiropractor's "get-to-know you" form there was a question that made me sit up straight and take stock.  The question was "What do you want most from your life?"

I'm sure the question struck me so deeply because I have not been living in a way that gives me what I want most from my life.

As I've mulled that over, I realize that what I want may not look like what other people want.  It may not even look like what I thought I wanted and what I want may change as my life changes.

For example, I have a friend who just posted on Facebook that it has been one year since she intentionally ate sugar.  Seriously?!?!  That is massively inspiring.  I do want to not be addicted to sugar.  I do want the benefits of a sugar free life.  I also really want to make cookies with my kids.  I want them to remember moms apple-turnovers.  I want to drink mugs of steaming cocoa on Christmas.  And if I make them I am going to eat them.  Abstinence is not an option at that point.  Moderation is.  Abstinence isn't.

I know what I want.  It looks different than what other people want.  I need to be okay with that.  I want to own that.

So, what do I want?

I want power over my cravings.
I want to make wise choices in the treats I eat.
I want to be satisfied without gorging.
I want to progress toward a healthier weight.
I want energy.
I want health.
I wan LIFE and I want it more abundantly.

My kids had a party last night and there is a bottle of pop and a bowl of gummy worms left over.  After some reflection, I don't want them.  This goes beyond a determination to diet, a commitment to "be good" for a certain number of days.  I don't want them.  I want other things more.  To me, that feels real.  That feels like conversion - even if it's just for a day, or even just for a morning I feel at peace and in tune with what I want MOST.

Politics

Blessings in defeat.  Now that Obama won I'll have less money to spend on food.