Little Victories

Thanks to committing to report on my tea making status, I did indeed make the time to make a big batch of tea and it helped a ton.  Hooray me.

So, I firmly believe that food, especially sugar, is a great way celebrate life.  The problem arises when we start celebrating everything.  Ta da, I finished my sandwich.  I had better celebrate with a cookie now.

Well yesterday my son's soccer team had a party complete with ice-cream sundaes.  I adore ice-cream sundaes.  And after the Relief Society broadcast there was bunt cake and ice-cream.  And now, my family is making cookies because it's Sunday, and what better way to celebrate the Sabbath or connect with neighbors than through  my very delicious pudding cookie recipe (seriously, it's fabulous.)  And I haven't had one bit!  So far, my commitment to health is trumping all of that yumminess.  Huh.  Apparently I am capable of that.

Plus, I love fall treats and I want to save my indulgences for what I really want.  I really want to make apple turnovers this month.  I really want to attend a fine chocolate tasting class at an upscale deli in the area.  And I really want to go on a date to a little British fish and chips shop where they fry absolutely everything.  That means I need to make choices.  I can't have my health and my sundaes and bundts and turnovers and cookies too.  Some indulgences make me oh, so happy.  Too many just make me feel sick and weak.

This is hard.  But I don't want to be soft anymore.
On to amazingness.

Baby Steps

I completely agree! Being a mother, wife, etc., is a wonderful occupation, but the hard part is how much we can forget about ourselves in the process. Then again the reward is rich when you see how your selflessness has blessed the lives of your family. Why can't I be skinny with a ton of energy as well?! All excuses aside, our time will come when our children are grown and we'll have all the time in the world to pamper ourselves, right? Please tell me that time will come--

ZUMBA, baby!!!! Last night I went to my first Zumba class in 9 months! It was thrilling, other than I felt like an awkward dancing dairy cow. I got my groove on next to two women who had babies about the same time as I so I felt very comfortable letting loose and just having fun (I figured they understood). After all, working out should definitely be fun. I can't wait for next tuesday!

I found an amazing blog recently with hundreds of delicious, healthy recipes (and I really do mean delicious!) I decided to incorporate 3 recipes from this website into this week's menu. Tonight we had turkey and black bean enchiladas. Mmmmmm... they were perfect and quite filling! In fact, my hubby even adored them (and that's really saying something!) If you're looking for some new healthy recipes, check it out!

I feel like Bob Wiley from "What About Bob." I just have to keep taking baby steps in everything I do. That's when real progress is made. "... baby steps get on the bus, baby steps down the aisle, baby steps... "

So True

That is so true.  I look back at pictures where I was mortified to be in front of a lens because of my weight and I now think I looked great.  Why did I waste so much time being down on myself?

The addiction recovery program is a little spiral bound volume available for  $3 on store.lds.org.  Just search for "addiction recovery" and it should pop up.

Well, my stomach is off again, which means it is still easy to eat pretty well.  What is not easy is actually taking care of myself.  I have been meaning to make myself some tea for days now, but somehow it just never happens.  Taking care of my little brood takes so much time that I always seem to come in last.

That is not a healthy way to go about it.  I know I need to be filling my bucket first, so I can continue taking care of everyone.  It seems that being selfish like that should come easier, but it doesn't.  I am determined to start making myself a priority though.   I commit to reporting on my tea situation in my next post.

Going Forward

To live in the moment is a gift. I have yet to obtain that gift, but, oh, how I'd love to have it. Someone who felt as I do once said, "Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." Well, I want so badly to realize the valuable moments NOW.

Yesterday I received a photo book in the mail of my Baby E's hospital and newborn pictures. It is beautiful and I loved flipping through the pages over and over. I pulled out my Big Boy G's photo book from his birth and was enjoying tearing up to all the fun photos, when I came across a pic of G cuddled up in my arms (a full body shot). It's definitely not a glamorous shot of me, but I looked beautifully happy holding my newborn baby. At the time the picture was taken I felt like the most disgusting, overweight Megan possible. But when I looked at that photo yesterday I ached to be back in that moment: smiling wearily, happy as could be to have my handsome son, and, not to mention, 20 lbs lighter than I am now. I wish I could go back and appreciate the fabulous moments that I let slip by. One day I will look back at myself today and wish I could be here once again.

So what am I going to do? I am going to leave this buzzing computer screen, give my boys a kiss, and with that same weary smile on my face, LIVE today, because it will only be a memory tomorrow.

Oh, and, Bethany, as for the Addiction Recover Program I would love to do it!  I definitely need to do it. What do I do first?

Miss Piggy's Words of Wisdom

"Never eat more than you can lift"

"Never let your frog out-dress you."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

"There is the satisfaction of providing your public with a vision of true beautology, true sytlisity, - how can I put it? – true glamorositude."

~Miss Piggy

Emerson said "The first wealth is health."  I believe it.  I am so happy to be feeling a little better.  Just having come through something like that has almost inoculated me against even wanting sugar.  Okay, I admit Megan's description of that Costco cake got me salivating, but I am too close to the effects of one of my binges right now.

Have you ever seen El Dorado?  It's arguably the best John Wayne movie ever.  In one scene, one of the characters mixes up a concoction of cayenne pepper, gunpowder etc. and makes a concoction to sober up the town's drunk sherif.  He claimed it did something to the stomach so it wouldn't tolerate liquor for a while.  It worked and the town was saved.  This Flu has had the same effect on me, but I can feel that I'm to the point where I will once again be willing and able to make some really wrong choices again and I want to make right ones instead.

I just turned on Pandora, and right there at the top is an ad with a gorgeous taco and huge orange words that say GIVE IN, you know you want to.  Aurgh.  The world is against me.  I know I want to give in and the nation's advertisers know it too.  But they say that nothing tastes as good as slim and healthy feels.  Take that taco guys.

Now to find something healthy to eat while the voice in my head is saying "taco, taco, taco, taco."  

Hey Megan, any interest in doing the addiction recovery program published by the church?  I started it last year, loved it, and I would really like to try doing it again.  Just a thought.

Here's to slim and healthy thoughts all day long.

Consistency 101

I must admit something in hopes that my realization will open some beautiful insight that will instantly fix my problem. That problem is a lifetime of inconsistency. I have the inability to stay consistent in almost every aspect of my life from staying on a new diet to posting on my blog everyday (as you can clearly see).

You see, on my journey to fabulous I find myself one day taking off on a exciting and glorious road at full speed, but then a small pothole or appealing distraction will appear on that road and, with such a determent, I find myself crashed into a pile of twisted self-despair that may take days to recover from. By the time I am ready to go full speed again I am only further behind. It is an endless road of fleeting motivation, but with my set backs I only lose trust in myself.

Let me set the stage to a perfect example of this. I was going on a road trip this past week and, knowing that I am a sucker for making excuses on vacation, I packed some healthy snacks for the road. I felt so proud and motivated at this choice! Upon arriving at my folks' house I was welcomed with a delicious temptation: A Costco mousse filled sheet cake, aka my favorite binge food ever. I told myself I could resist, and did I? No. No, I did not. And after feeling completely defeated by this inanimate and harmless cake I fell victim to a weekend of horrifying eating habits; the exact habits that I am trying to overcome.

So what do I do about this? How can I become the person that I want to become when I fail myself so often? I will be doing some soul searching and I will get back to you. And if you have ANY advice for me, please feel free to speak up. Trust me, I could use it.

Bethany, you are a serious trooper. And, I might mention, and amazing example to me. Thank you for YOUR consistency and your posts. Flu bugs come and go, but our journey to fabulous will continue. I say that so I can remember it most of all! Keep up the good work!

Habits

Okay, I know I said I needed to hand off for a bit, but there is a lot to be said for maintaining a habit, so I am writing.  Good habits are the purpose of this blog after all.

What am I learning?  The flu is not fabulous.  Really not fabulous.  I think it is more than coincidental that I got hit so shortly after being stupid with my sugar.  I know  sugar compromises my immunity faster than anything and yet I chose sugar.  Stupidity is not fabulous either.

On the up-side, I feel like I am being given a fresh start in a way.  As I heal I can choose to build my diet up from scratch.  Dr. Ann Wigmore said “The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.”  Wise words.

Victory for the day:  I poured the rest of my ginger-ale down the sink.  I was the cheap kind with no actual ginger in it, just sugar and chemicals, and I commit to choose more natural, less sugary fluids to aid my recovery.

Hand Off

This bug is pernicious.  Just reading scriptures to my kiddos this morning made me break out in a soaking sweat.

Megan, I think I need to hand this off to you for a while.  I will probably write more effectively on healthy eating when I can eat again.

How depressing, but I'll leave with this lovely quote.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for he past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

~Buddah

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence."

~Calvin Coolidge

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."

~Orson Wells

Too sick to exercise today, or to even write my own post (thanks Cal and Orson for doing it for me.)  On the upside, I am also too sick to eat any junk.

I hope everyone else is feeling well.

Confession Time

My neighbor brought over a plate of orange julius cookies this afternoon (heaven on a plate).  I so needed a treat today, which is fine.  But did I eat one like a healthy person and share the rest with my children?  No.  I snuck back to my room and hid the plate on my dresser.  I ate five and shared one with my hubby.  How embarasing!  That is not who I want to be.  I want to be a healthy, in-control woman, not a skulk off into the shadows and binge type of person.

Aurghhhhhh!  And I was doing so well too.  I mean, relatively speaking.  Three days of exercise in a row has lowered my milk supply, so I'm trying to up my calories (in a good way, not in a cookie way.)

ANYWAY.  On a happier note I did Zumba tonight and I had a breakthrough.  When it comes to the yelling and "Woo-Woo!" ing in class I am totally self conscious.  But I want to be Fabulous.  Being Fabulous means being at least a little brave.  So I did it.  I stopped pretending to yell and actually made some noise.  It sounded dorky in my ears, but I did it.

Two yells forward.  Five cookies back.

Here's to nobler tomorrows.

30 minutes

I did get to exercise yesterday and it felt great.

Today I tried exercising with all my children home and that was not quite as successful. Child #2 thinks I look funny when I punch and child #3 thinks my arm exercises look like flying and says "Stop Flying Mom!" while I do them. And with constant distractions (for example I discovered pee on my family room carpet) my workout was not quite as productive as I would have liked. But I did it. That counts. Those 30 minutes, unlike cleaning the toy room, will not be undone two minutes after I finish.

Today it was really, really hard for me to take those 30 minutes for me. My house is out of control. But then I remember that my weight is out of control too, and I will be spending ALL DAY working on my house and working for my children. I deserve those 30 minutes.

I feel good about how I've been eating the last two days too. However, if Caroline keeps following me around saying "Moooooom" (you know, with the whiny tone that travels up a fifth in pitch) all day, I am going to be sorely tempted to hit some high-sugar carbs. Help!!!!!

Balls

Yesterday I saw a poster in our church building with a picture of a woman on a tightrope balancing items on her nose and juggling while spinning rings around her left ankle. Sound familiar? It sure did to me.

I thought about all the balls I was trying to keep in the air - at least I was trying to think while bouncing a crying baby and chasing a yelling two year old down the church hallway. And somewhere between the bouncing and the running I came to the realization (yet again) that I can't do it. I can't keep all my balls in the air all the time. So I picked two. I want to keep my gospel ball in the air and my efforts towards health in the air today.

Well, not sleeping through the night and changing our morning schedule into a "get child #1 ready for school" schedule still has me a bit sideways. While we didn't manage our full morning devotional, we did get in one page of illustrated scriptures and a prayer (the prayer was at the expense of tooth brushing). And even though the advent of an 8 AM carpool has obliterated our no-cold-cereal-except-on-special-occasions policy, I am munching on celery to atone for the three bowls of sugar coated styrofoam I just ingested.

So, my balls are a little out of control, but I am focusing. I hate letting anything drop, but I am going to crunch my celery and read my scriptures. Take that ten baskets of laundry. Did you hear that sink full of dishes? Mama is about to prioritize.

Oh, and get this. My kids just went to a play date and child #4 is asleep. If I play my cards right, I will be able to exercise too. Woo Hoo!

p.s. Megan, if you want any crazy remedies (you know, the kind that works, but makes you think you would rather stay stay sick) give me a jingle. I am sending healthy thoughts your way. Good Luck.

Cake, anyone?

Breakfast:  Whole wheat pancakes slathered in butter and homemade maple syrup.

Snack: A ripe, juicy pear (trying to make a healthy choice to make up for the breakfast.)

Lunch/Afternoon snack: A bit too much chocolate cake with a glass of milk.

Dinner: TBD because of tummy ache from cake.

The last few days I have had a rotten cold which has continually built into something much worse. This morning I woke up to swollen gums, glands, and lymph nodes down my jawline and neck. I couldn't even close my mouth or turn my head. To top it off I now have ulcers spotting my lips and tongue. Miserable. This made biting solid food difficult, so I turned to the softer food instead, which happened to be cakes (fried for breakfast and baked for lunch). Even more miserable. What a mistake to make today. I need a serious cleanse of my system tonight.

On a brighter note, Bethany, your post yesterday has given me the hope that I can LOVE myself again. I haven't felt that in a long, long time. But it's not too late to try again. Life is beautiful, and so am I.  I'm sick of just SURVIVING each day; it's time to be THRIVING each day.

Because

Megan, if ever there was a child that deserved a good dunking it's that one. What a little twerp! Honestly, other people's children ...

Okay, so I am officially a blog dork. I have checked the blog five times today, wondering if you would have internet access yet and YEAH you do. Amen to loosing the excuses and finding the energy to keep up with our children. You are awesome!

So, today I watched some bits of a show about body image that has an ... ahem ... questionable title. It was called "How to Look Good Naked." I watched pieces from the original British series and a few bits from the American knock-off. The show features a style guru who helps plus-size women with body issues to love the skin they're in. He teaches these ladies how do dress for their body type, how to wear their hair etc. As I saw women who were roughly the same size as me, look into a mirror and feel beautiful for the first time in years, something clicked. I can be beautiful now. And because I am beautiful and strong I am capable of even more greatness in my life. I am not on this path because I am lacking, but because I am capable of more. I can eat healthy because I am fabulous and I deserve to treat myself well. I can exercise because I love to move. These changes do not add to my worth. I am doing it because I am worth it.

This is a big step for someone who hasn't taken a good look in a full-length mirror for the last three months. So, can I maintain the fire to be better and look better and accept who I am at the same time? Can I stop making excuses for my bad habits and make time for better ones? Can I stop calling myself "chipmunk cheeks" every time I look in the mirror? I don't know, but I sure want to try.

Children are almost too honest. As are swimsuits apparently.

Tuesday night my husband surprised us all with an early end to his school and work day! We had an enjoyable light dinner and then decided to squeeze (at least I had to) into our swimsuits and head over to the pool. In my deepest of hopes, I prayed that no one would be there to witness my incredibly embarrassing array of love handles and porcelain, cellulite filled columns I call legs. To my relief there was a lovely grandmother there with her three adorable grandchildren. The two girls were probably 7 and 10 years old, while her grandson was around 5. My thoughts were, "Oh, thank heavens. This family won't even notice me here."

How wrong I was.

As my husband and 2-year-old son jumped, splashed and played happily, I sat contently on the side with my 3-month-old slowly dipping his toes in the water, when I heard one girl whisper all too loudly, "Her with the baby!" I looked up expecting someone to comment on my adorably chubby baby boy, but the hand gestures along with the repetitive use of the word "fat" made me realize they were talking about the not-so-adorably chubby me. Ouch. Her grandma reprimanded her and they grabbed there bags and soon left.

If a child can openly and honestly notice my problem, then it's apparent that I need to admit to myself that I have the problem. No more excuses. No more saying, "I just had a baby," "I'm breastfeeding," or "I've been on vacation." I need to do it today! And tomorrow! And every day after that! That is how the change occurs and how it stays. It's how I find the energy, and the physical ability, to keep up with my happy boys. And it's going to happen today.

Many thanks to my sister-in-law Bethany for her inspiring words and willingness to help me along this journey. And when we do see one another again I know that we can both say, "You look FABULOUS!" This is only the beginning of a wonderful journey.

Bethany: Zumbarific

Okay, so last night's Zumba class was awesome. I officially have dorky mom moves which are about two parts Beyonce and two parts my mother and six parts Bulgy the whale and it DIDN'T EVEN MATTER! I loved it. I got a ten card punch pass and I will be going back. So that takes care of one day a week ... now for the rest of them ....

So, I talked to Megan today and her internet company won't be able to get her internet up and running till the end of the week. Darn their hides. I am so excited to read her posts (she said she has been thinking up ideas all week.) Just talking to her on the phone motivates me and even though I haven't been able to talk much (I always seem to be going into a doctors appointment or yelling something like "Why would you eat tape?" just as she calls) just having someone to do this with makes a big difference for me.

Confession: I have not done so hot today ... in any area really. But I can do better. And I can start NOW!

The Hokey Pokey

"You put your whole self in and you shake it all about .... "

When I got in the car to drive carpool today, the Hokey Pokey came on. It was nothing but background noise till that line penetrated my consciousness. You see, last night was a caloric disaster. My hormones must be doing post-pregnancy gymnastics because last night was a face plant off the uneven bars. Between bouts of wanting to cry for no good reason (which is so not me. If I am going to cry I know exactly why and I know what [or who] I need to fix it) I realized that I needed chocolate or someone was going to get hurt - not in the funny bumper-sticker "hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt" sort of way, more in the honest to goodness, run for your life sort of way. Apparently I am still hormonal, because that last sentence is a grammatical train wreck. Anyway, I called my husband and asked if he would pick up some bread and milk and chocolate on the way home. He asked what kind of chocolate and I said something out of this world fabulous, filled with clouds and frosted with angel wings. He brought home Hagen Daz dark chocolate ice cream bars which was close enough. I shall spare you the finger-licking details.

Enter the Hokey Pokey. It made me realize that when it comes to being fit and fabulous I really want to put my "whole self in." Committing my whole self means committing the hormonally crazed parts of myself too. And I found a Zumba class close to my house so tonight I really am going to "shake it all about."

Bear with me through one last Hokey Pokey reference - By committing to health yet again I hope to "turn myself around because that's what it's all about." (Groan. I know. I just couldn't resist.)

Bethany: From Guilt to Green

I stuck my hand in the bag of knock-off Raisin Bran, munched and stuck my hand in again. After about eight munches I remembered that I would be writing a post for this blog later this afternoon. That stopped me mid-crunch. So I reached for a cucumber.

Now I love my salad and cucumber slices, but really, there is only so much of that a girl can chew down. Enter the vita-mix. {vita-mix: super blender, powerful enough to turn a Christmas tree into mulch ... or just about.} I love my vita-mix so much I am thinking of naming him Victor and pretending he has an exotic accent. But I digress. I love making green drinks and this summer, prompted by the presence of some rather large cucumbers in my garden (seriously, one was 28 inches long), I discovered two great new green-drinks. I just made one for lunch and I feel great!

The recipe?

cucumber (as much as you want)

a little water

a little ice

the juice of one lime or one lemon with the yellow cut off.

sweetner (I use raw honey, but you can use stevia, agave, or sugar)

Optional additions:

Ginger - an inch of peeled, fresh ginger.

tip: if your ginger starts to go bad in the fridge, cut it into inch long pieces, peel it and freeze it.

Melon - cantaloupe or honeydew. As much as you want. We had a whole bowl left over from dinner and I threw the whole thing in. It was yummy.

Mint. I am dying to try mint in this, but I didn't grow mint this year so I haven't yet.

If you have leftover juice, freeze it for popsicles. They taste like something you would find at a spa.

More green recipes later.

Oh, and I did stay away from the chocolate chips all day yesterday! I somehow think that means I should have lost five pounds. Oh well. I am very proud anyway.

Bethany: Spider Man and Soccer Moms

Motivation can come from everywhere.

First Motivator - On Monday, my husband and I took his brother to "The Amazing Spider Man." We had a good time. Then, as we got ready to go, it happened. I never thought it would be me! But as I stood to leave my hips got stuck underneath the cup-holders. Aurghhhh. A few more inches and I might still be there. Good grief. I used to be a size-five, hard-core dancer who could Samba in three inch heels. Inside I still feel like that.

Second motivator - my fellow soccer moms. I am an official, treat toting, sideline cheering, camp-chair sitting, soccer- mom. There are a few moms on my son's team that have as many kids as I do and still manage to have amazing figures, amazing hair, crazy good makeup and here's the kicker - they're super nice. I want that! I mean, if they were awful people I could say that sheer meanness was burning off those unwanted calories, but they are very, very nice.

Okay, I'm really not that petty. I just wonder how they do it. CORRECTION. I wonder how I am going to do it. I have a metabolism that was sidelined by a hard hit of chronic fatigue. I am just now beginning to fully re-gain my health. And I want to keep my milk-supply while becoming fit and fabulous.

So far, I have not had my daily handful of chocolate chips. That has been my mid-afternoon therapy for weeks now. (And no, it is not a demure seven chip handful.) First part of my plan - resist the chocolate ALL DAY. Note, this is not a vow of abstinence. But this is the beginning of will power. On to great things one bit of self-control at a time.

Bethany: New Beginnings

Many thanks to my sister-in-lawMegan for helping me refresh my desire to be fabulous.  The whole 365 day thing was looking a little long and lonely (This blog used to be called 365 Days to Fabulous).

At a recent family gathering Megan and I got our heads together.  We are both moms with young kids.  We both recently had babies.  And we both want to be fit and fabulous ... okay, we're pretty spectacular already, but we want to be even better.  

That means major renovations inside and out (for me at least).  To do that we agreed that we needed some support and accountability because this is hard!  That is why we are going to do this blog together.  Plus, since we live in different states if one of us has a hard day and wants to eat an entire tray of brownies, the other can't say "Hey, I'll come join you."  Although if they were mint brownies .... let's just say some things are worth crossing state lines for.

This set-up also appeals to my deep sense of vanity.  If I go to the next family get-together and Megan looks fabulous and I am still sporting my XL maternity wardrobe I am going to be ticked at myself. 

We will officially start posting on Monday.  Go Team!